Excerpt from Licking Honey Off a Razor Blade by Valerie Grimes
“Hi Valerie, did you get your invitation to the annual company holiday party? We need your rsvp today.” Cindy was on the line from the corporate office.
“Yes, I did. I was waiting to hear back from my date to see if he was available. I’ll just say yes we’ll be there. Add us to the list.”
Surely Sal will want to go, I reasoned. After all, there was free booze and craps tables to entertain him.
On the day of the party, I packed the sexier of my two black cocktail dresses, open toed, four-inch black heels, make up (including false eyelashes), and jewelry and headed in the opposite direction of the party to go dress at his place and then drive us in his truck to the party, which was about one hour west. I always went out of my way for him.
I was overwhelmed with excitement, mainly because I was going to show off my guy to my co-workers. He was in an unusually good mood when I arrived and even more so when I pulled a bottle of Jack out of my bag. He immediately said, “Let’s do a shot!” We did, I kissed him and then I headed toward his bathroom to get ready, it was 5:30. The party started at 7:00.
“What’s your hurry princess? Come over, I need you to kiss him before we go.” I turned to put up a fight, but there he was on the couch, his jeans unzipped, our eyes met and I knew we were going to be late. When we were connected like that it was the affirmation I needed to know he loved me.
On the way to the party, we drove through Irving, “Get off at the next exit. Let’s do a shot a Los Lupus!” I was intoxicated but probably could have been even without the booze, I was so happy because I was anticipating showing off this great looking man to my co-workers. We looked high class and acted it as well, did our shots, he threw cash on the bar (too much) and then we slipped out drunk in the moment.
By the time we arrived everyone was already in the very elegant dinner buffet line, so we just slipped in unnoticed, but not before we went to the bar for the free stuff. I began to see signs he was very uncomfortable: his social anxiety attacks make him sweat. I did my best to comfort him, but since it was a company party, my tipsy coworkers pulled me away several times to meet their dates or spouses. He, of course, chose to stay at the dinner table in our assigned seats. When I went back I saw that he was really drunk and having a conversation with one of the doctors…oh dear, my reputation I thought.
I knew we needed to go before he started messing with someone. Just then my boss walked up and thanked me for being there and said it was time for the annual awards and to be sure to pay attention. She did this to me a lot, would also pull me in without really saying why and without question, I would comply. She was giving me the chance (in her mind) to really grow my hypnosis practice at her medical office where I worked two days a week. So I did most of what she said. I needed to stay and to also separate myself from him, to please both of them.
The party was a casino night theme so I encouraged him to go shoot craps. He grabbed his beer and headed out of the dining room. Relief. There was actually some dead time before the presentation so I went to check on him just as he knocked his beer over on the craps table.
Why did I bring him? “Remember,” I murmured to myself, “you wanted to show him off, and he is performing a very memorable show.” I needed to get him home. I found my boss and lied about something to get me out of the rest of the evening, but getting him away from the table was a different issue. Fortunately, they closed the tables for the presentation, so we were free to go, as soon as he got outside in the cool night air he was okay.
I drove us back to his place where we both slept soundly until the next morning. I woke up early and went to the store for breakfast stuff, and when I got back he was up, drinking a beer and watching TV. After breakfast tacos (made the way his mom did), he asked me to stay all day and lie on the couch and watch TV. I felt I needed to go, he was disappointed but didn’t say, just nodded one of those ‘just leave me like everyone else does’ nods as he continued to stare at the screen.
“I love you,” I said, as I gathered my things.
“No you don’t. If you did you would stay with me. You are always running off.”
I argued, “If we lived together that would be different Sal. I have a separate place to take care of. This is my day off I have a lot—”
He cut me off, “Whatever!” I tried to kiss him, but he turned his head. Crap. I knew it would a week before he missed me and called again.